Character
by HoboScience
Summary: Okabe shares some similarities with subatomic particles - when left unobserved, both begin acting even more strangely.


"Character is who you are when no one else is watching." -Unknown

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><p><em>Steins;Gate Attractor Field<br>__Divergence Number 1.048596  
><em>_AD 2011.07.28 17:34:17:84_

The cicadas are back.

Cicadas mean that summer is drawing to a close, and only a few precious weeks remain before classes start again. They mean the start of Comima, which means Daru and Mayuri are out at Toranoana preparing. They mean festivals and fireworks, which Tennouji took Nae to for the evening, after some heavy-handed instructions for Okabe on keeping the apartment intact.

They also herald the anniversary of the longest day in Okabe's life. The day SERN's agents raided the Future Gadget Lab, the day Hououin Kyouma wielded the Time Leap Machine uncountable times to transcend causality, and the day…that terrible day…

On August 13th, 2010, on a thousand other worldlines, Shiina Mayuri died.

None of the lab members remember it, of course. In this worldline, Okabe keeps reminding himself, time travel is a myth, a pipe dream for lunatic fathers of genius girls to rave over before lapsing into obscurity. Mayuri's death at the hands of a sinister Organization is as delusional as the rest of his Kyouma act.

But now, lying alone in the empty lab, Okabe finds it harder than ever to convince himself of the world's reality. How was it that, in the haystack of both Alpha and Beta attractor fields, he had managed to pluck out the needle? This "Steins;Gate," where SERN had somehow failed to detect him? Is it not more likely, considering the resources available to those Okabe once opposed, that this worldline also holds their eventual victory? Their agents, the Rounders, are certainly still about; as Mr. Braun's history with SERN predated the reception of every D-mail, he is likely still theirs, as well as his recruits…

Okabe tenses, grasping the implications of that line of thought. Moeka was recruited by FB, Mr. Braun's alter ego. Moeka has inside knowledge of the lab, including the existence of FG8. Could his inexplicable dismantling of the PhoneWave (real name TBA) have roused her suspicion, prompting her to recover its components and learn its true purpose? Was she even now gathering the Rounders to raid the Future Gadget Lab? Would she dispose of Mayuri here as she had in so many other realities?

…No, Okabe reasons. Moeka is lab member 005, and has been for over a year now. Her devotion to the lab and its company is above suspicion. But of course, SERN would know this. They could convince Moeka that forcibly recruiting Okabe is in his best interest, and arrange for Mayuri to experience an "accident" on the way…

Panic coursing through him with each horrific possibility, Okabe starts to rise from the couch, but a glint from the development room catches his eye. The blue-sand hourglass, Mayuri's gift for his 16th birthday, is stopped, every grain stuck in the upper half–

"Oh no, don't tell me you're broken. I just wound you! So not fair."

Footsteps in the stairwell. Moeka, demanding three hostages, not four. The gunshot rings out–

–and Okabe is alone again, trembling on the couch, dripping sweat with his head in his hands. Was that Reading Steiner? That can only mean SERN is after him; they could arrive at any minute, he needs to run, needs to find Mayuri, needs to protect–

_Chirp chirp. Chirp chirp._ Okabe's phone derails his thoughts. SERN? Rounders? Worse? He answers the call, silently shivering, listening for fate's sentencing.

Daru's voice clicks on: "Hey, Okarin! Thank goodness you picked up. Look, I need a really big favor–

"Daru! Listen, there isn't much time. Is Mayuri there with you?"

"Huh? Hey, wait just a minute buster, _I _called _you–"_

"_Is she there? _This could be a matter of life and death!"

"Yeah, okay, she's here! Geez, loosen up on the delusions a bit. You're sounding like you did last year, after you junked the old PhoneWave – which you still owe me for, BTW. Anyway, there's this great poster at Animate that I want to get signed at Comima…"

Okabe stops listening. Mayuri is safe; maybe he really _is _delusional. SERN failed – would fail? – to obtain the tech behind Future Gadget #8 here in Steins;Gate, so they couldn't have triggered Reading Steiner. And besides, it had never showed him other worldlines before; Steiner just made his skull feel like it was dissolving. The threat – like so many other things – was only in Okabe's mind.

"Thanks, Daru." Over his friend's increasingly irritated tones, Okabe hangs up.

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><p><em>AD 2011.07.28 20:05:33:12<em>

Several ignored calls from Daru later, Okabe is still reeling from his hallucination. What could have triggered a flashback that vivid, that…_real?_ The great Hououin Kyouma would of course claim that the Organization had finally succeeded in dosing their most fearsome adversary with experimental illusion serum, and initiate Operation Vili, or some similar nonsense. But after the events of last year, in the face of a real organization threatening him and his friends, Okabe finds the Kyouma act far less comforting.

_Chirp chirp. Chirp chirp._ Probably another call from Daru. _I suppose I can reward your persistence, right hand of mine,_ Okabe muses. He picks up on the last ring.

"Tu-tu-ruu! Hiya, Okarin!"

"Oh - hey Mayuri. Has Daru coerced you into doing his dirty work instead of me? Apologies if my lack of cooperation led him to encumber you with his lecherous schemes."

"Nah, he lost a coupon for this great poster, but it turns out he tucked it into his shoe. You'll really like the poster – it's for this upcoming mecha anime that looks really cool! GUNBARREL…or something like that."

"Huh. Well, then I solemnly swear to bask in its brilliance at my nearest convenience, with or without the permission of its certainly jealous guardian."

Mayuri chuckles. "Hehe, sure thing! Hey, I wanted to ask you about something. Earlier, when Daru was hunting for that ticket, he said you were upset on the phone. That you sounded really scared something bad had happened to me."

Okabe shifts uncomfortably from his perch on the couch. "Look, Mayuri–"

"I know I can't really help with the gadgets at the lab, but if you're not feeling okay I'll always be there to listen! When you were in the hospital last year you said there was a real Organization and you had Reading Stoner and…and lots about the PhoneWave. Even if I couldn't understand most of that stuff, I'd worry less if you would talk about it – and not just with me. I'm sure Kurisu would listen; she'd probably keep up with you a lot better than I could!"

Kurisu – with her mention, Okabe recalls that today is the same day she had died in the Beta worldlines. Another memory that would best be left forgotten. "Thank you for your support, Mayuri, but really, I'm doing fine. Daru merely woke me from a fever dream with his futile errand."

"Okay, if you say so." The tone in Mayuri's voice disagrees with her words. "We'll be back with that poster soon so you can bake in it."

"_Bask,_ Mayuri, _bask_. See you soon."

"Whichever. Bye!" The call clicks off, and Okabe is left with a wry grin despite himself.

His reverie fades as Mayuri's earlier comment hits home – could he contact Kurisu? Of course he wouldn't mention his recent episode – no point in burdening her or anyone else with the weight of other worldlines, Okabe decides. Still, he could call her, email her, even Skype about–

–about what, exactly? He had just ruled out discussing other worldlines, but those were the only place he and Kurisu made any real connection. This same doubt resurfaced every time Okabe had considered getting back in touch: to him, they were closer than friends, having spent years together over a single week in August. But Kurisu – well, Okabe doesn't presume to think for her, but he doesn't see how the short visits she paid the lab could make them any more than acquaintances in her mind. That dissonance would make their relationship…confusing.

In the end, Okabe writes and rewrites several drafts to send Kurisu, erasing, rewriting, and finally deciding against it, as he had so many times before. He reads through his received messages, hastily skimming the last few before welcoming back a tired Mayuri and a thoroughly disgruntled Daru.

As he shuts down the computer to carry in Mayuri's goods, the last email is still visible on the screen – an upcoming neuroscience conference, with a special guest speaker from the states.

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><p><em>As the sole known observer of this universe, I, Okabe Rintarou, could be described as something of an expert on character. Ten thousand leaps through time and I alone know what lies between their folds. It's a truly remarkable experience.<em>

_If only it weren't so lonely._


End file.
